Book Review: The 5 Love Languages

Valentine’s Day is just a few days away, so I thought it would be cool to review one of my favorite books, The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

We all understand that people express love in different ways. There might be the strong silent types, and other folks who love wild public displays of affection.

The 5 Love Languages asserts that people fall into one of 5 categories in regard to how you express love. Your love language may be different than your romantic partner’s love language, and that can cause confusion when one person thinks he or she is being loving, but the other person doesn’t see it that way at all.

Watch this video to learn how to speak your partner’s love language.

The video transcript is below for your convenience.

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Video Transcript

Hey there! I’m Sage Grayson, a former book editor turned life coach. I help ambitious career women edit their habits, routines, and mindsets to balance their happiness at work and home.

I’m a Life Editor…and so are you!

Today, we’re talking about the book The 5 Love Languages, or why I will always invade your personal space. Let’s go!

Valentine’s Day is just a few days away, so I thought it would be cool to review one of my favorite books, The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

We all understand that people express love in different ways. There might be the strong silent types, and then those people who love wild public displays of affection.

The 5 Love Languages asserts that people fall into one of 5 categories in regard to how you express love. They are:

1. Words of Affirmation, such as saying “I love you” or “I appreciate you.”
2. Acts of Service, such as run errands or keeping the house clean for your partner.
3. Receiving Gifts, such as flowers or jewelry for no reason.
4. Quality Time, such as turning off your phone during family dinners.
5. Physical Touch, such as holding hands and having sex frequently.

The book’s author, Gary Chapman, is a author, speaker, and counselor who has been studying marriage and long term relationships for decades. The 5 Love Languages comes from his direct observation of couples and what keeps them together and what drives them apart.

Basically, if you’re not speaking your partner’s love language, then he or she won’t understand that you’re trying to show love. It just like speaking a foreign language. Your actions and words just don’t make sense.

And vice versa. If your partners isn’t doing things that you associate with love, then the relationship is doomed to fail. Or at the very least, you’ll have tons arguments and misunderstandings.

So what’s the solution?

Take the quiz in the book to find out your love language and have your partner do the same. Then, do those things that your partner recognizes as loving actions and clearly tell your partner how you want him or her to express love to you.

Now you’re speaking the same love language!

Here’s what I liked about the book.

The quiz was eye-opening, and it helped me understand why some of my past relationships were plagued with issues.

My love language is Physical Touch. If you’ve ever met me in person, you totally get this because I’m a big hugger.

I expect my partner to hold my hand in public, sit on the couch and cuddle with me, and initiate sex. I don’t care about fancy gifts or romantic poetry. If I’m not getting enough physical touch, then I feel neglected and unloved.

You might think that both people in the relationship need to have the same love language in order to be compatible, but that’s not true. You just need to show love in a way that your partner understands.

Take my husband, Chris, for instance. His love language is Acts of Service so I need to do things to show my love for him. Folding the laundry means more to him than me saying I’m proud of him.

Now for what I don’t like about the book.

The 5 Love Languages is incredibly heteronormative. The entire book is about a relationship being one man and one woman. As you know, I am the “B” in LGBT, and that narrow view of love doesn’t fly with me.

As a bisexual woman, it’s important for me to see representation in the media, entertainment, and society. We exist, and our love lives are just as valid and beautiful as straight relationships.

This could easily be updated for a future edition of the book by changing the title “Quiz for Him” and “Quiz for Her” to “Quiz for Partner 1” and “Quiz for Partner 2.”

I highly recommend The 5 Love Languages. Take the time to get clear about what you want out of a relationship and how your partner can express love to you. Then be supportive and in return show love in a way he or she can understand.

That’s it! This week, figure out your language. Then have a conversation with your partner about his or her love language.

How can you deepen your relationship by acknowledging your differences?

If you like this video, please be sure to hit that subscribe button to follow me on YouTube. Then come on over to SageGrayson.com and sign up for my free Editor’s Toolkit. You’ll get weekly updates from me, plus sage advice that I only share in email.

Thanks for watching. I’ll see you soon.

Come over to Facebook and let me know your love language.

This post focuses on Step 1 of the Life Editing Process, Create a Foundation. For more about life editing and what it can do for you, click here.