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How to Travel Like a Rich Bitch

How to Travel Like a Rich Bitch

Oh, hello, dah-ling! Do come in, won’t you? Can I offer you some tea?

I just got back from Manhattan—I’m quite the jetsetter, you know. My trip was simply divine, and I’m just dying to share with you my tips for staying sane while away from your mansions and butlers.

Follow my lead, and you’ll be traveling like a rich bitch in no time!

Plan, plan, plan.

I had a business meeting last week and had to fly from my home in San Francisco to New York City and back again the next day. That’s 12+ hours on planes in 2 days! My private jet was in the shop, so I had to fly commercial with all the little people. Talk about stressful! To avoid having a breakdown and stabbing a flight attendant with my stiletto, I planned everything I could so there’d be no worrisome surprises.

I don’t sleep well on planes (or in strange hotel rooms), so I planned to get plenty of sleep the night before. I also researched the hotel, type of plane, nearby food/entertainment, climate, and time zone. I’m a vegan, so I made sure to bring some snacks like apples, energy bars, and homemade cookies to keep me satisfied. A little planning made a world of difference.

Dress comfy, but stylish.

Normally, I wear whatever the hell I want to on my travels because I take at least a dozen trunks of designer clothes with me at all times (3 trunks just for shoes!). Unfortunately, my 500-square-foot closet was being repainted with paint made from unicorn tears so all my clothes were in storage. So, I decided to dress like a practical “real” person.

I wore comfy (but cute) yoga pants that I could sit in for long periods of time without the waistband digging into me. My slip-on ballerina flats made it easy for me to breeze through security like the diva I am. This may sound like overkill, but I chose a mostly black wardrobe so I knew everything would match. I even paired down my makeup to just the essentials in the same color family.

Choose stimulating entertainment.

My Kindle must be in the shop along with my private jet, so instead I brought my own hard copy magazines with me. This stopped me from wasting money on overpriced reading material at the airport bookstore. Also, because I was able to recycle my magazines, there was a lot less bulk in my suitcase on the way back.

Keep up with your workouts.

My personal trainer/life coach/guru, Jacques, caught some unpronounceable disease, so I had to take my health into my own hands. Most hotels have a fitness room, and really good ones have arrangements with full-sized gyms. I was able to attend a Broadway-style aerobic dance class right in my hotel—so fun! The comfy clothes I wore on the plane doubled as workout clothes (I just had to switch to sneakers), saving me more space in my luggage.

Be adventurous.

My life as a multi-billionaire is sometimes less than thrilling. I spend most of my days lounging by my Olympic-sized swimming pool while half-naked pool boys bring me daiquiris. On this trip, I decided to go outside my comfort zone. In addition to the funky dance class, I also tried a new restaurant (not a chain) with an amazing view of Times Square.

I also had a mini spa day. I may be fabulously rich, but I still love a good bargain. I saved all the “gift with purchase” and sample sizes from brands I want to try but don’t want to commit to a full-priced purchase. I tried a new shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and foot cream, and it felt wonderful to pamper myself before heading off to my meeting.

Get back to your normal routine.

Jetlag’s a bitch, so I tried to make my transition back to normal life as easy as possible. When I got home, I laid out my clothes/supplies for the morning so I’d have one less thing to think about. My husband Chris had made dinner so I could eat as soon as I got home (so thoughtful!). You could also plan to go out to eat or microwave something quick so you’re not on your feet in the kitchen when you should be relaxing. If I had more flexibility, I would have taken the following day off to recover.

So, that’s how you do it. Really, it’s so easy, any commoner could pull it off. But I must say, I’m relieved to be back in my spacious estate with all my minions to do my bidding.

ALFRED! Where’s my coffee?!?

Honestly, you can’t find good help these days.

Want more travel advice? Check out these articles:

The Tao of Travel

The Saddest Thing I’ve Ever Heard on an Airplane (comic)

How I Interpret My Beverage Options on an Airplane (comic)

Plane Travel The Healthy Way (infographic)

How do you make travel more bearable? What’s in your suitcase?

9 Comments

  1. Tinfoilstiaras on January 15, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    Oh Jacques how incovenient of you to come down with something just when Sage needed you the most! 😉 Heehe I love this post- I often wish I was a rich bitch (mostly after watching the Read Housewives) but after reading this you realize how silly some of their needs are! I love the mini-spa day idea- definitely ‘Sage time’! I will say that your jacket is very fetching darrrling- just deevine! 🙂



  2. Anna on January 15, 2012 at 11:59 am

    Hehehe, what an enjoyable post! I’ve traveled quite a bit in recent times so I’ve got it down to a science. Tom and I went to Italy and Spain for 8 days and lived out of a single school backpack. Yep – 8 days worth of shirts, underwear, socks, and pants for two people in a single regular backpack. We’re gooooood.

    In a few days I’ll be off in Florida for our annual vacation. I plan to travel like a spoiled brat as per your suggestions (good thing you reminded me to pack snacks!).

    I’m sorry you didn’t get to enjoy NY as much as you should but I’ll dare to say you haven’t missed much. That city is nice the first few times around but becomes less and less appealing as your visits increase (that’s why I don’t go anymore).



    • Sage on January 15, 2012 at 5:03 pm

      One backpack?!? That’s some amazing planning. I love Florida, and we go almost every year too. The only other time I’ve been in NYC before this was for another work conference, so I’ve never gotten a chance to be a tourist.



  3. xvavaveganx on January 14, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    What a great post! I always love hearing travel tips because I tend to feel yucky when I travel! I love your presentation of these tips as well, super humorous and fun 🙂 WHat a great post to read, it really made me smile the minute I saw the title!

    And your pics are so adorable, I love the hat!



    • Sage on January 15, 2012 at 5:04 pm

      I like travel articles too–anything to make it easier and more enjoyable. I like my hat too. I feel very French when I wear it. 🙂



  4. Shybiker on January 14, 2012 at 6:21 am

    Good tips, humorously presented. Great post, as usual.

    I live an hour outside NYC and pop in often. If you’d had more time, I’d have pushed my way into seeing you but, given your tight schedule, that would have been rude. If you’re ever back though…



    • Sage on January 14, 2012 at 10:00 am

      I wish I had had the time to see you! But I was in and out of the city so fast. I didn’t get a chance to do anything because I was in meetings all day and then had to dash to the airport to fly home. 🙁 Maybe next time.



  5. J.A. Yang on January 14, 2012 at 2:29 am

    Clearly I’ve been travelling all wrong. Like all wrong! Love your blog, and thanks for signing up for fiftyfifty!



    • Sage on January 14, 2012 at 9:58 am

      Haha! Darling, you should always travel like the rich and famous! Thanks so much for visiting. I’m super excited about the fiftyfifty challenge. I’m making lists of all the books and movies I want to enjoy, and I’ll share them on Twitter and on my blog.



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