When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Gets Going: Finding Your Tenacity
There will come a point in your life (perhaps even every day) when you feel completely and utterly spent.
You’re worn out, burned out, unmotivated, angry, frustrated, and at the end of your rope.
Life and all its drama is too tough to handle. All you want to do is curl up into a ball and cry.
Would it make you feel any better if I told you that this emotion is totally normal? How ‘bout if I say that everyone else understands that hopeless feeling too?
No? That wouldn’t make you feel even the teeny tiniest bit better?
Geez, I guess I should dig into my life-coachy bag of tricks and find a better solution for you.
Here’s the thing, you ARE normal whether or not you want to hear it. And you’re not stupid or lazy when you reach a breaking point in your life (or week or day).
You’ve lost your tenacity. The burning drive inside you that makes you want to get out there and show the world what you’re made of.
Tenacity is your ability to keep plowing ahead toward what you want no matter what obstacles you face. It’s like being a stubborn mule flying a rocket ship to the moon, dodging deadly asteroids and aliens. I have no idea where that description came from, but let’s go with it.
When the going gets tough, you’ve got two options: (1) give up, or (2) get going.
I know what option I’d choose. Follow the steps below if you’re ready to get back your tenacity.
Have a Private Freak Out Session
I know a lot of women who never allow themselves to be vulnerable. They never want to break down and have a good cry because, to them, that would mean they’re weak. In my opinion, the weak thing to do is to pretend that everything’s perfect and lie to yourself about how much you’re hurting.
Now I’m not saying you should bawl your eyes out in front of a customer or have a screaming fit within earshot of your kids. Find a time and place where you can be alone to really feel the emotions that have been building up inside you.
Cry, scream, rant, punch pillows, rip paper, whatever. Give yourself permission to freak out and let yourself be raw. The world’s full of crazy people and horrible circumstances! You’re all alone and miserable! Life sucks!
Very often, when I come down after having my own little freak out session, I’m overcome by a sense of calm and serenity. My body and mind feel so at ease once I’ve released those negative emotions. And I bet you’ll feel a whole lot better too.
Uncover Your Motivation
This is the answer to the question, “Why am I doing this?” Really, why ARE you going through this situation? What benefit will you receive at the end of all this struggle?
To be most effective, your motivation should be based on some deeper belief of yours such as “I want to feel good about myself” or “I want to do what is right.”
You’ll be less likely to stay the course if your motivation is based on you pleasing other people. Do you truly want to have children or are you doing it to please your mom? Do you want to move into a bigger house or are you doing it to impress your friends?
Map Out a New Course
Once you’ve released your pent-up emotions and pinpointed your precise motivation, it’s time to find a new way to get you to where you want to go.
Let’s say you want to earn enough money to live comfortably but you’re barely making ends meet every month. Your motivation is a comfortable lifestyle, but is there another way to get there?
Could you ask for a raise at work? Could you get a new job? Could you get a second job? Could you cut back on your spending? Could you move into a smaller house or apartment? Could you get a roommate? Could you sell some of your junk?
There are so many options out there! And you don’t have to stay miserable and frustrated when life gets tough.
It’s easier to find your tenacity if you enjoy the course that gets you to your goal. Just because you couldn’t stick to one plan doesn’t mean that it’s impossible to get the result you want.
How do you stick to it when the going gets tough?
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I usually reach my breaking point about once a month, and usually it’s for no really specific reason, but I’ve learned to accept it. That took so long to do, though! I freak out, usually by myself or sometimes in front of Mike. He’s always good at helping me to see things in a better light.
I freak out in front of Chris too. (eek!) He’s gotten used to it and is really helpful about calming me down and looking for solutions.
When I feel at my wits end, I do go have a private freak out session, pull myself together and keep truckin on. It’s all about mind over matter. Heather
Absolutely. Freaking out in private lets me get my emotions out without scaring people or embarrassing myself.