Your Real Friends Don’t Live on Facebook

I’m embarking on a personal journey, and I’d love for you to join me. Consider it an inner-self road trip with lots of interesting pit stops along the way.

I recently spent 4 days in Ojai, California at the Elevate Mastermind Retreat with my coach, Molly Mahar of Stratejoy, and 12 other women who are going through big transitions in 2014. Fair warning: I’ll be talking about this group a lot in the future.

I know it sounds cheesy, but this retreat was truly life changing, and the experience continues all year long with virtual retreats and more coaching to push me out of my comfort zone.

So why am I telling you this?

As one of my followers, you can expect big—no, wait—MASSIVE changes this year from me and the products and services I provide to you to help you get the most out of your life.

These changes are still under wraps and strictly top secret (shhhh!), but what I can share with you is that I’m doing my own version of life editing…just like how I help my clients clean up their lives.

Now, a lot of people (that is, other coaches) have told me that a life coach needs to represent the “After” that potential clients are looking for. A life coach is supposed to have her shit together because no one wants to hire a coach who’s not perfect, right?

Also, coaches aren’t supposed to say bad words like shit. Oops.

But let’s get real. I’m not perfect, and I’m going through some major transitions. Heck, that’s why I have a life coach of my own!

I’m going out on a limb here and saying that I think you want me to be REAL.

The most-viewed posts on my website are the ones where I’ve opened up and talked about the hard stuff, such as my suicide attempt.

As I edit my life this year, I’ll be sharing my successes and challenges with my business, my weight, my money, my marriage, and more.

And one of the first things I want to talk about is my lack of friends. I’ve mentioned before that I have no real girl friends that I see regularly or hang out with on the weekends.

My first challenge in my life-editing quest is to get out of the damn house and make some friends already!

But there was something I had do first.

If you’ve gone through the Editor Session program, you know that you can’t add in the good things that are missing in your life until you delete the bad stuff that’s holding you back.

I had a lot of negative influences in my life in the form of Facebook friends, people I followed through email newsletters, other blogs, etc. Not all of these people were nasty to me (though some were), but for whatever reason, I didn’t feel good about myself when I read their statuses or received their newest blog posts in my inbox.

I spent last week editing out these online acquaintances, frenemies, Debbie Downers, and one-uppers. All in all, I unfollowed or deleted more than 100 people from my online life.

Now my Facebook stream is full of people I actually care about—and ones I’ve met in person! I’m only receiving email newsletters from people who add value to my life. The blogs I read build me up instead of making me feel like a loser.

My point is that it was easy for me to fool myself into believing that I had friends when I really only had pixels and “Likes.” It might not be the same for you, but those online “friendships” aren’t in line with where I’m going and who I want to be this year.

I feel so light and alive after cleaning up my online connections!

Honestly, I expected some of these people to email me and demand to know why I unsubscribed from their lists or aren’t commenting on their oh-so-important Facebook statuses…but so far, no one has.

Maybe that’s another lesson for me to learn: I might be negatively affected by these online peeps, but they don’t seem to notice me at all.

The world doesn’t revolve around me—go figure!

Here’s my challenge for you.

Ask yourself what you’re getting out of your social media accounts, blogs you follow, and online communities.

  • Do you feel better or worse about yourself when you interact with those people online?
  • Are you following anyone who triggers your anger or makes you feel jealous?
  • How would you feel if you cut these toxic people out of your online life?
  • Do you have a strong, supportive group of friends that you see regularly in person?
  • How can you foster offline friendships in your life?

I have so much more life editing to do, but I gotta say, deleting these bad online friendships and refocusing on in-person relationships is already making me feel like a million bucks.

[Tweet ““Words are easy, like the wind. Faithful friends are hard to find.” William Shakespeare”]

Do you expect me to be the “perfect coach” or do you want to follow me through my personal struggles?

How do you balance online and offline friendships?

In the comments below, share your tips for connecting with real live people.


  1. Jennifer Kennedy on February 12, 2014 at 7:49 am

    I can SO relate to this article!! I was cheering you on as I read this! 🙂 I’ve periodically gone through my FB and email newsletters and removed people I don’t vibe with or who don’t put anything positive out into the world. I believe it’s a very powerful feeling to be able to create the environment you thrive in. And, part of that is removing those types of relationships. In the past, I’ve stuck by people like that for too long and I was constantly on guard, which was awful!

    I love hearing about both your struggles and your successes! I love when people are real! Have a good one!

  2. Ashley Urke | Domestic Fashionista on February 11, 2014 at 1:51 pm

    This makes me so happy! Cheering you on as you, too, edit your life! I think a personal coach should always do just what you are doing…always learning and evolving! So proud of you for taking the steps you need to take to becoming the person you are designed to be. Proud of you friend! And looking forward to what is to come!

  3. Tracy on February 9, 2014 at 7:06 pm

    This is a wonderful post and full of such helpful tips. I have found in recent months that sometimes I just have to step away from the online world. Right now I spend a couple evenings a week unplugged.

    Tracy @ Sunny Days and Starry Nights

  4. Shybiker on February 4, 2014 at 7:57 pm

    I get it. I really do. Just because technology offers us simulated experiences doesn’t mean we should avoid real ones. Us older folk remember the value of honest communication and true friendship. I not only like you, I enjoy watching you on your personal journey.

  5. Sarah @ Long Island Nerd on February 4, 2014 at 3:47 pm

    You are so right! I actually have been avoiding FB altogether recently. I just don’t get anything out of it anymore. I don’t talk to most of these people anyway so I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything when I don’t look at it. I really only look when I have a notification which isn’t too often. I can’t remember the last time I posted. I’ll probably just get rid of my account at some point. I have more fun on Twitter and Instagram anyway 😉

    Honestly, I don’t think perfection is something that I would look for in a life coach. I think that learning and growing halts once you reach a point of “perfection” and I think I’d feel more comfortable being coached by someone that I can relate to and I know is growing with me and is constantly learning new things. Since our lives are constantly changing we need to change with it and the personal struggles are what make us human and relatable.

  6. Herdis Pala on February 4, 2014 at 12:46 pm

    Just wanted to let you know that I love your newsletters – almost as much as I love you 🙂

    You rock girl!

    • Sage Grayson on February 4, 2014 at 3:08 pm

      Aw, thanks Herdis! I love you too, and I’m definitely keeping you in my circle of friends. 🙂

  7. Bethie the Boo on February 4, 2014 at 7:13 am

    I totally just did this! I feel now that I am a mom and sharing a lot about my life and my family that there are people in my Facebook feed that I really just didn’t need anymore, so I went through and really trimmed down. It felt very refreshing!

    I am excited to see what changes you have in store for this year!

    • Sage Grayson on February 4, 2014 at 3:09 pm

      Yes! Good for you. It feels amazing to clear out all that Facebook “noise.” Who’s got time for all that junk?

  8. Vanessa on February 4, 2014 at 3:23 am

    Yes! What an awesome subject Sage! I totally resonate with your post. I had developed feeling that no longer were part of who I was, and sometimes even thou it may have been something just in my head I felt that people were posting things “right at me” if you know what I mean. I literally got rid of my Facebook Account!!! Whew! What a relief!!! I edited and cut off a lot of toxic people off my life as well.
    I confess I not a person of many friends, but I do cultivate some real good friends for life! Year after year and the friendship keeps going strong. Thanks for your inspiring thoughts!! xo Vanessa

    • Sage Grayson on February 4, 2014 at 3:12 pm

      Hi Vanessa! It’s so good to see your comment on my blog. You’re definitely someone I want to stay friends with. 🙂 I’m sometimes tempted to delete my Facebook account too. It often seems like a burden rather than something fun.