Chris’s birthday was Sunday, so we celebrated by going to his favorite pizza place. He got a Chicago-style deep dish pizza, and I got a vegetable-heavy one with Daiya vegan cheese (so delicious!).
We have very similar values, senses of humor, political leanings, tastes in home décor, cleanliness standards, nerdy-ness, etc. But Chris and I still have a lot of differences—the biggest being that I’m a vegan and he’s not.
But we must have found a good way to make it work since we’ve been together for over a decade!
Along the way, we had to choose to either make compromises or make agreements.
To me, a compromise is when both parties meet each other half way. They each make concessions, and the time/chores/effort or other things are split 50/50.
An agreement is when a decision is made based on who is most capable or what outcome benefits them both the most. Things are not divided 50/50 nor mutually beneficial, necessarily.
This doesn’t mean that one way is better than another for romantic relationships, friendships, or families.
Sometimes you may want to compromise; sometimes you may want to make an agreement. Chris and I make changes based on how we’re doing or where our lives take us.
As for the vegan thing, we made an agreement.
Animal rights are hugely important to me and are not something I waver on. Before we moved in together, we agreed that we would have a vegetarian household—no meat in the house, ever.
This agreement has worked for us, but it’s not the same for everyone. Another vegetarian might have no problem cooking meat for her family and then serving herself a salad.
You gotta find what works for you!
Chris and I compromise when it comes to chores. I do all the laundry, and he handles all the trash. We both do the dishes.
We used to switch off all the chores, but I feel better when I do the laundry (my bras are delicate, you know!). And it’s easier for Chris to haul bags of garbage (macho, macho man!). In a way, that’s an agreement too!
As for our finances, sometimes we compromise and put the same amount of money down to the penny into our joint account. Then sometimes we make an agreement where Chris puts in more money because he earns more. It changes as our lives change.
We want our little family to be happy, functioning, and respectful.
And that’s something we can both agree on.
Are your relationships compromises or agreements? Both?
Is it different for your romantic relationships versus friendships?
People say Chris and I look alike. What do you think?
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