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7 People You Meet at the Gym

One day it will happen to you.

You’ll be cruising along on the treadmill at the gym, grooving to your favorite song on your iPod, when you’ll look up and suddenly realize you’re surrounded. They’re everywhere: on the bike next to you, at the water fountain, on the weight machines.

Gym people.

Oh sure, they might look like the regular folks from your neighborhood. But don’t be fooled. Gym people come in all shapes and sizes, but with my handy dandy guide, you’ll be able to sort them into their unique categories.

It’s like bird watching except your subjects are wearing ill-fitting spandex.

Mr. Inappropriate

What’s that grunting noise? Is someone having a heart attack? Are people having sex in the yoga studio? Nope, it’s just Mr. Inappropriate moaning as he lifts the dumbbells. How will everyone know just how strong he is if he doesn’t get their attention with some creepy noises? Mr. Inappropriate also likes to wear those shorts that are just a little too short and tight. It’s OK to stare; he likes an audience.

Too-Much-of-a-Good-Thing Chick

If you thought your best friend had an unhealthy obsession with exercise, you’d tell her, right? But what if the person with the problem is a complete stranger? Too-much-of-a-good-thing chick is always at the gym. Always. And she seems more skeletal every time you see her. She’s pedaling faster than anyone else on the spin bikes, and she’s got the treadmill speed cranked up to 6 MPH for an endless amount of time. She makes you want to go home and curl up with a bowl of ice cream…or maybe stage an intervention.

Former Jock/Weekend Warrior

For some people, it’s hard to accept that they’re no longer the buff jocks from their high school days. A former football star will join a gym for the first time in years and immediately try to bench press what he used to be able to lift back when *NSYNC was still touring. Not surprisingly, this former jock is incredibly sore the next day (if not seriously injured), so he’ll rest on the couch until the following weekend when he’ll try again to prove to the world that he’s still got it.

This is my real trainer.

The Hunky Trainer

Mmmm…that’s one way to motivate yourself to go to the gym! The hunky trainer is H-O-T, and he knows it. He can be found subtly checking himself out in the mirrors or showing some 90-pound weakling how a move is really done. There’s a 3-month waiting list for ladies who want an hour of his guidance. His clients never quite get the results they want, but who can concentrate with all that man candy distracting them?

That Perfect Bitch

Just when you think you’re beginning to make progress, you’ll see her—that perfect bitch. The one with the killer body in the designer athletic clothes. Her long blond hair is never pulled back, so she has to flip it out of her face like a flirty homecoming queen. It’s amazing that she stays in such good shape because her primary workout seems to be leaning on the equipment seductively and squeezing the hunky trainer’s biceps. Don’t hate her because she’s beautiful. Hate her because she can eat 3 cheeseburgers and still look that hot.

Stink-arella

I know it’s a gym, and I fully expect people to sweat and get a little stinky. But if everyone else understands this fact and puts on deodorant, then why can’t that smelly girl do the same? Really, did you think you just wouldn’t sweat this time? I would gladly buy you a stick of antiperspirant if you’d promise to use it! Nothing is more offensive than taking a big gulp of air and being assaulted by skunk-with-diarrhea stank.

Average Joe/Jo

Meet the average gym-goer. She’s got a worn out scrunchie in her hair, and her T-shirt is some relic from her college sorority days (Tri Delta Barn Dance 2003!). It’s a gym, not a ball at the White House, so who cares what you wear? She comes in for a workout 2 or 3 times a week, unless her kids have soccer practice. Sure, her weight stays about the same, but at least she’s trying.

Need a laugh? Check out these fitness videos and articles:

Marathon Thoughts (video) This video made me laugh so hard–and I’m not even a runner!

No Time To Work Out? Try Boogie Body (video) Shh! Don’t tell Chris, but Marie Forleo is my secret girlfriend. I have every one of her exercise DVDs. If you haven’t been watching Marie TV, now’s the time to start.

Who did I forget? Which type of gym person are you?

14 Comments

  1. Belinda Basson on March 2, 2015 at 10:01 am

    I have see all of the above. I am the average Jo….trying to be there 3 times a week. Got quite organized and went last week, only to get flue and can’t go this week…you win some and you loose some I guess! Thanks for the webinar last Friday. I will be doing a special shop for gym bag stash in the way of shampoo, shower gel, slip slops and deodorant so I can go in the middle of the day and not have to remember to pack too many things….will post when I am human again!



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  3. Anna on February 7, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    Hehehe – this brings back lots of memories, when Tom and I used to go to the gym a lot. I can distinctly remember Mr. Inappropriate, a Weekend Warrior or two, and the Too-Much-of-a-Good-Thing girls who hogged the treadmills for hours. I’m the average Jo who sees improvement – I don’t try too hard but I don’t cheat myself either. Like chocolate I do the gym in moderation 😉

    P.S – I really like the new layout. Were you going for the online magazine theme?



  4. Cara on February 7, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    Love the new layout and color scheme, pops of pink rule! We definitely have some of these at our gym, Mr. Inappropriate used to be my boss in his too short running shorts. He’d also increase the speed on your treadmill if he didn’t think you were going fast enough. We also have the smelly guy at our gym, I swear he wears the same thing day in day out…gross.

    Also, that marathon video is one of my favorites! The guy ends on the Boston Marathon finish line!



  5. Tinfoil Tiaras on February 6, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    You have a new layout! I thought I was on the wrong blog at first- looks very streamlined and chic! Haahh at the gym today I noticed a few of these people but mostly the perfect bitches- I was surrounded by them in step class and wasn’t feeling so hot! Your trainer is dreamy, maybe I need to get a hunky trainer to motivate me!



    • Sage on February 6, 2012 at 9:36 pm

      I know, I changed my layout without any warning! I’m in a spontanious mood. The perfect bitches make it hard to feel good about myself but I gotta remind myself that I’m still making progress.

      Having a hot trainer is defintely an added incentive to go to the gym. 🙂



  6. Megan Gann on February 6, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    The only gym I’ve really been in was at school for Wellness. I think you’d call me the 8th type of gym person: A Ghost. But I do enjoy swimming when I’ve got the chance. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve been but I’m hoping to not give up on it.



    • Sage on February 6, 2012 at 9:33 pm

      I like that–the ghost! Swimming still counts as exercise, and not everyone likes to work out at the gym. I’m trying to get better about going more than 2-3 times a week.



  7. Jenndellefave on February 6, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    OMG There is nothing worse than bad smelling people at the gym. In my Zumba class a few weeks ago I felt like I was going to puke she smelled so bad! Props to you for getting to the gym..it’s 3:34 and I have yet to break a sweat. I do want to go make brownies though. UGH! 😀



    • Sage on February 6, 2012 at 9:30 pm

      Brownies would be so good right now. 🙂 That’s my biggest problem: do I go to the gym or do I eat snacks on the couch all night?



  8. xvavaveganx on February 6, 2012 at 11:16 am

    OMG how funny! I love this post! I think I’m an average Jo 🙂 I’m there more often than the description but I don’t do anything too extreme or out of the ordinary… I don’t think! Thankfully we don’t have anyone stinky around but we have a nice variety of the other gym people 🙂 We have a Mrs. Innapropriate too. That’s always amusing/uncomfortable!

    Look at you working those guns in that pic! Nice action shot 🙂

    I love the new look of your blog! Very pretty! 🙂



    • Sage on February 6, 2012 at 11:49 am

      There’s this one girl in my hip hop dance class who smells so bad. I feel sorry for her, but no one has the guts to tell her. Maybe I should?

      It took me forever to get my new theme looking good, and I’m still tinkering with it. I’m over the yellow/apples/bird thing I had going on before. All the pinks and browns remind me of desserts. 🙂



  9. H&K Style Journey on February 6, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    I don’t go to the gym, but I do know the kind of people you described. I think it’s awesome you go to the gym and make it part of your life. Your trainer is pretty hunky 🙂 Heather



    • Sage on February 6, 2012 at 9:31 pm

      I know, he is cute! He’s a really nice guy too, and not at all conceited.



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