Are You Pregnant? Dealing With Well-Meaning People

Dealing With Well-Meaning People

Some people just don’t know when to shut up.

We’ve all experienced well-meaning people. They’re the ones who are trying to be nice, but they end up insulting us.

Watch this short video to learn how to handle well-meaning people so you’ll keep your cool instead of punching them in the face.

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  1. Emily on March 1, 2013 at 12:12 pm

    The whole “Are you PREGNANT?!” situation has happened to me before…not once, but THREE TIMES. And why does it always happend on days when you feel extra cute??? Ugh! However, they’re well meaning comments fueled my motivation to lose weight. Since losing 18 lbs, I haven’t been asked 🙂
    And in regards to Gillian’s comment, I don’t know how pregnant women manage to not punch people! The things I’ve heard people say…even to total strangers in the baby section of Target! I don’t know what some people are thinking!

    • Sage Grayson on March 2, 2013 at 9:57 am

      Congrats on your weight loss! That must have taken a lot of dedication and hard work. I’m trying to see these comments as motivation to lose weight–I could use it.

      Pregnant woman have to deal with the craziest people and comments! I don’t know how they stay calm when people are being so invasive.

  2. Sarah @ This Is What I Eat on February 28, 2013 at 5:48 pm

    I’m not one to do the whole *facepalm* thing but holy crap did I just facepalm. I can’t even imagine what people are thinking sometimes. I am faced with these situations all too often. In the wedding industry it’s pretty common that girls will lost tons of weight before their wedding. A lot of the time when we see them to start their album they’ve gained some weight back. But then again, some come back and they are pregnant. You better believe that we NEVER say A WORD and wait for them to tell us the good news. It’s such a sensitive topic and I can’t fathom being that nosy and invading someone’s privacy in the first place.

    Your advice is amazing and you handled it with such grace. To turn a negative, potentially psychologically damaging situation into a positive wake up call is really great advice. I’ve had some pretty obnoxious stuff said like oh you’d look really great if you did your hair or oh you should wear makeup, you’d look so pretty. The same person also told me she wants to nominate me for what not to wear. I don’t really let it bother me, it’s more of a WTF moment but I also look at where it’s coming from and I know not to take it to heart.

    • Sage Grayson on February 28, 2013 at 8:19 pm

      What kind of a crazy person would say they’re nominating you for What Not to Wear? It amazes me when people think your clothes and personal style are up for debate. There are too many people out there who have lost the filter between their brains and their mouths.

      I try to remember that people who say those things are pointing out how rude they are…it’s not really about me. Yep, I know I have a big stomach, and I know it makes me look pregnant. I can always lose weight, but they can’t grow tact.

  3. Molly on February 28, 2013 at 5:20 pm

    Oh my, Sage! Yeah, I would have been very upset if someone asked me that, too. A girl I know once went up to a customer in the store she worked at and started rubbing her belly and saying how exciting it is that she’s pregnant. The customer replied with “I’m not pregnant, I’m just fat”. 😮

    Your advice is wonderful and I’ll definitely be keeping it in mind the next time I talk to my mom. She’s always trying to be “helpful” by letting me know how I should do my hair and that sort of thing. It can be hurtful because she rarely compliments me, but I know she means well. I usually handle it by not saying anything at all, or just half-heartedly agreeing with her to make her stop. I know that’s not the best way to handle it, though…..

    • Sage Grayson on February 28, 2013 at 8:25 pm

      Moms are the queens of well-meaning people. They don’t mean to be cruel, but they can’t seem to help it. Your mom’s comments say more about her than you. She might feel insecure and want people to think she’s a good mom, and she might think you’re a reflection of her.

      If you’re hurt by a comment, then you can choose to make a change or not. If the comments don’t bother you, then you can ignore them. Sometimes, to get a well-meaning person to stop I’ll ask, “Why would you say that?” It makes them have to justify their comments, and they’ll usually shut up fast!

  4. Sage Grayson on February 28, 2013 at 10:09 am

    Haha! Oh, Gillian, you can hijack my posts anytime. 🙂 That’s so true that women who are actually pregnant get invasive comments all the time. I’m sure it can be hard to keep your patience with these well-meaning people, especially if you can’t seem to go anywhere without getting a weird comment.

    I’m not pregnant, but unfortunately, I look like I’m about 2-3 months along from some angles (boo!). I gain weight in my stomach area so I understand the confusion. But most people learn at some point not to ask if someone’s pregnant because it can be really embarrassing for both people if she’s not.

    And this is a lesson for met to cut back on the snacks and start doing more crunches.

  5. Gillian @ GrowingUpGillian on February 28, 2013 at 6:32 am

    This, this, THIS. I actually am pregnant and for the first 7.5 months I skated by with nearly zero comments about my “delicate state”. Now all of the sudden, with just a month to go, the well-meaners are coming out of the word works, exclaiming things like, “OMG YOU’RE HUGE” and “There’s no way you’re going to make it 5 more weeks” and “Wow, you look so uncomfortable!!!”.

    I know their comments aren’t malicious. I’m sure in their own way they’re trying to relate to me and acknowledge that I am pregnant (because it’s totally obvious) instead of ignoring it. And maybe their personal experiences (feeling huge, feeling uncomfortable) color their comments. Or possibly, they’ve just never seen a 5 foot tall person such as myself, try to house an entire life form with internal support systems inside such a tiny frame.

    NO ONE wants to be told they’re huge. I hate hearing it even though I know that I’ve gained a totally healthy amount of weight and the baby is on track growth-wise and I’m a tiny bird of a person. And I personally don’t want to be reminded on the daily that my baby could OMG-be-born-at-any-second-even-in-the-checkout-line-of-Hy-Vee-LOL-wouldn’t-that-be-funny?!?!?!?!

    So I just smile and assure them that I’m not secretly in labor/that we are excited for the baby to come when it’s ready/that I feel great/blahblahblah. It does cut deep, though, because I am larger than I normally am and I don’t particularly want the baby to arrive earlier than expected (for health reasons and because I’m not entirely ready!). So I try to remind myself that I am probably taking their comments a little more to heart than I normally would (even semi-truths rings bells, no?).

    Anyway, sorry to hijack your amazing post with my babbie dramaz. It’s just so freaking appropriate for where I am right now and a great reminder that the little old ladies scanning my groceries aren’t giant a-holes. Thanks for keeping me in line!